>working itself out

>While packing some of my house up recently (you’ll understand more on that later), I ran across something I had written last November.

“Some days I feel in total despair. When I see others announcing they’re expecting again I feel the green-eyed monster take over me. A feeling that is never comfortable to have.
I wonder how others can manage to afford, manage a whole new lifestye with a second child. I would love to give Kellen someone to have that sibling bond with. Most times though I’m pulled back to reality that it’s probably more than we could handle.
I love my son-his smile, personality, smell, laugh-he is my whole heart. I can’t help but wonder if we are missing out on something more as a family.”

It’s hard to admit those things to yourself and others. When you are envious of others, it’s never a pretty sight.

I found out last month that I am expecting. At first all my fears came back and I cried, and not tears of joy. By late that afternoon, I was over the moon with excitement. We are jumping in full force and hoping we don’t sink.

My due date is exactly a year from when I wrote this last November. Some things are just meant to be and he will now have that bond I have craved for him

 

>Internet fame

>I’ve learned many lessons since having Kellen about little boys. My biggest lesson learned is that I can not keep clothes of his in good condition. The wears of daycare, projects, and rough-housing outside keeps his clothes looking well-worn.

In Arkansas we have a wonderful consignor event that a lady started up out of the living room of her home. Fast forward many years later and it’s now in nearly 15 states. Rhea Lana’s is a mom’s dream and I get super excited when the event rolls around in the spring and fall.

One of the best things about the event, is I can consign Kellen’s clothes and break even on the purchases I make. It’s super easy to consign and I also work the event which makes it fun as well.

I’m featured on their blog today for an “incident” of mine that happened a few seasons back. I was shocked to see the story today as I scrolled through my reader and my face popped up! ha If this event is anywhere near you, I suggest you check it out and see what a great find it is!

http://www.rhealananetwork.com/blog/a-funny-thing-happened

 

>Broken

>

No, I’m not upset or doing this purposely to you. (unless you’re an in-law, then maybe ha! ) I smashed my finger in between a door frame and a tv and this was the result–a broken finger and sprained hand. I dropped the tv immediately and my finger was already a nice shade of blue. I KNEW it was serious. I headed for a second opinion this morning and the doctor concurred that it was broken. Which makes my desk job of primarily typing REALLY enjoyable!

I just recovered from my last surgery (having my bladder removed), and now I have to wait for 2 weeks to see if I need an orthopedic surgeon to reset my bone. *sigh* Such is life I suppose.

UPDATE: and my son just chunked a basketball and pegged me in the eye. Black eye here I come.

 

>Outloud

>I’m facing something this week that I’ve never had to worry about before. I’ve dodged the question from friends wondering why I’ve been absent at events, smile through the pain when one of my attacks happen. I’ve kept this secret from everyone except my husband and parents. I’m having surgery this week. Is it a major, life-threatening surgery? No. But when it’s you and your body, you tend to think of all the what-ifs. I know I’ll be fine, that it’s for the best, but it still worries me. I’m scared. There I said it, something I never admit. Sometimes I have to let go and remember what I continue to “be” for.

He is my constant.

 

>Toddler Years

>

Kellen-
My little guy—I can’t believe you are 2 years old. It seems like yesterday your daddy and I were bringing you home from the hospital, completely terrified. We spent those first 3 months in a fog of formula, diapers, and no sleep. We cuddled you when you’d let us and watched you grow every day. I feel like we just did the birthday thing yesterday and here we are, celebrating again. Sometimes I wish I could bottle you up and keep you this way

I have been having a hard time communicating with you. I guess what it is, is I want to rush through stuff, and you want to take your time. When you put your clothes on, you want to pick and choose your outfit. And sometimes you want to put everything on yourself. You do not want any help from me. So, sometimes it takes a while, and if I grab your shirt, move it, or do anything to help you, you scream at me, and start over again. It can get very tiring. Sometimes it takes ten minutes just to get your shirt on.

Everything must be done your way, right down to the color of the bowl or sippy cut that you use. If you don’t get it exactly how you want it, you scream. And scream. And, while you’re screaming, I’m showing you every single color bowl or cup until I find the right one—the right color for you. Sometimes I think it’s because you are not quite talking yet. Other times, I think it’s just you–your personality. And, I will admit, it has been hard on us. Frustrating for us and frustrating for you.

Everyday is an adventure with you. You have become such a ham, making us all laugh, then you die laughing yourself. Like you know exactly what you were doing all along. You’re sweetness shines through so brightly. Every morning we have our snuggle time in the bed or on the couch. And you pull me close to you and wrap your arm around my neck and we lay there until your ready to get up. I, though, am never ready for it to end.

With that said, I cannot imagine my life without you. When I’m frustrated from my day, I can come home and see your smiling face. When I think there is no good left in the world, I look over at you and your innocence and my faith is renewed. You have made me a better person—you have made me a mom.

 

>A Plague

>I’ve felt like these past two months our house, more like my son, has been under siege. First there was the Swine Flu that invaded back during Halloween. Next, during our Thanksgiving break he got bronchitis and received 2 antibiotics and a steroid to take. It’s always fun to wrestle things away from a juiced-up toddler.

We’ll go onto December where he caught hand, foot, & mouth disease and had horrible sores and bumps on his tongue, lips, and face. Try googling mouth sores at work and see what you get, then explaining why you have STD viruses on your computer history.

Next on Christmas Day a lovely case of double pink eye was waiting for him! Not only that, it went into the tissue behind his eye and infected that. Turning him into a boxer that just got his cute little baby behind handed to him in a daycare fight. See exhibit A

Also on that visit we were told a staph infection had grown in his toe….great.

But alas he’s a tough little one and has conquered all. And then we get up this morning to the most horrid cough ever and projective spit-up. UGH, spit-up!! I remember now why I say no more kids! So it’s back to the doctor we go.

Do they have punch cards there for free visits after the fifth?

 

>I have been so preoccupied with other activities going on in our lives that I haven’t gotten around to posting about my little man’s Halloween. We didn’t have an eventful Halloween, but just hung out with our family. Kellen had the flu the whole week of Halloween and I was fearful that we were going to miss out on everything.

We had his first Halloween party at his new daycare. It was his first day back from being sick and he still wasn’t feeling that well. It was held the Friday before Halloween and they had music, goody bags, and cupcakes. You can see from the picture how “clean” of an eater my kid is and how he loves his sweets!

That evening we went to an event in my husband’s hometown called Monsters on Mainstreet where all the business pass out candy to the little kids dressed up in costumes. We walked around the downtown area for about an hour until it got dark and cold then headed home.

The next day was Halloween and we just headed down to my parents house. There really isn’t a lot to do around here for Kellen’s age group so we just took him around to some of our close family member’s houses. They all needed to see the Buccaneer Pirate.

Now, we are just preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the good food that comes with it!!

 

>Whoa…

>Look at me! Two blog posts in one week! Now that doesn’t happen around here very often. Today is a special day though, it’s my baby boy’s 1 &1/2 year old birthday. What’s that you say? That’s not even a real birthday? Ok, maybe it’s not, but it’s still such an amazing thing to be a part of. Not only is he a year and a half, but I have been a mom for a year and a half. That’s pretty special if you ask me. To have this wonderful life that relies completely on you and seeing them grow in front of your eyes each day….wow! How awesome is that?! I’ve been sitting here today, trying to picture him at 18 years old and what kind of man he has become. I quickly snap back to reality because I realize how wonderful of a boy he is now–at 18 months old.

*Yeah, that’s the look I get–like, “Mom, seriously?? Another picture??” And I just have to say, “Yeah, my Kellen-bug, just a couple hundred more pics before we’re done.”

 

>Another month gone by….

>Gosh, I just can’t seem to get in the hang of blogging. I try, but it seems something always takes precedent. Maybe that should be my New Year’s Resolution??

We’ve been struggling around here some. Keith’s grandmother has passed this month and we are just working on getting back into a “normal” routine. You never know how people are going to react to death and it’s been rough. All we can do is love the ones in your life and tell them that everyday. Sounds simple enough, right?

Kellen will be 18 months! this Friday and has started a new daycare this week. He brought home his first “artwork” today and I just bawled. Who would have ever imagined that a few lines scribbled on construction paper would turn me to mush!

Halloween is coming soon and I can’t wait to get Kellen dressed up. Plus, I’m curious to see if he’ll stay in his costume. He has a mind of his own and I don’t see him wanting to be in a costume, but I’m hoping for a few pictures at least.

 

>Long time, no blog…

>So, I’m still having trouble posting picture which I’ll use as my excuse for not doing any posts recently! 🙂 But things have just been the same ol’, same ol’ around here.

I actually decided to return to school this year, which I’m finding hard to balance with a full time job, a growing toddler, marriage, etc. I know it’s for the best and it’ll get easier as it goes along.

Kellen has decided he is the boss of our world and is not afraid to let that fact be known! lol He has his own (strong) personality and I just pray we can live through the terrible two’s, three’s, four’s, or however long they last. (and we’re just at 17months!!!) He’s getting so smart and is trying to copy everything is his big brother does.

Speaking of Ethan, he has started 6th grade!! I can’t believe it, he is such a little man now! His football season has started, so we will be consumed with that for the next 2 months.

Keith and I actually got a night away together last weekend and went to the Hogs game. We tailgated and got to see the Hogs kick some butt! 🙂 Just hoping it’s like that all year.

Well, just a little catch up post until I can figure out this picture thing! UGH!!!